These flowers are dying.

The flowers in my vase are dying.

Well, they are dead, I know that, but three of them are tulips. Tulips are the only flower that I know of that continue to grow after they are cut from their roots. Er, bulbs. Bulby roots. Anyway, don't believe me? Go to your local flower shop (they will die if you try to have them sent from home. I know they're already dead...but you get me) and ask for ten tulips arranged "real pretty like" in a vase. Take them home and place them on a table. Now would be an opportune time to throw a party. A person you have a crush on will come by and say "My, what lovely flowers!" You will say "Yes. They are tulips. They are the only flowers I know of that continue to grow after they are cut from their roots." Then that person will say "My, you are educated, you should (insert fantasy here)!" You will coyly reply "Oh, I thought about that, but I wouldn't get to spend this evening with you." Then you and your guest will enjoy the rest of the evening in pajamas, talking about amazing times each of you has had in different parts of the world involving different people of note. You will exchange stories about how you did something wonderful for the world and also how you feel terrible about something that you did when you were seven years old. "My father would only shake my hand" one of you might say. "I used to let my older brother beat me in basketball" might also be heard. You will share with each other your deepest feelings of politics, religion, and love; feelings neither of you have shared with any other living thing on Earth. There will come that moment in the evening when you look at each other and you share thoughts without saying words and for a few hours the world surrounding you dissolves into an effervescent nothing.

The next day, the tulips will be slightly longer.

Take an Interest in All of Your Neighbors

We really should only have one job in this life: Take care of each other. There is no other species alive that tries to weed itself out. Sure, the male beta fish kill each other, but it is only for reproductive rights. Humans discovered hate for each other out of ignorance long, long ago and it is now rearing it's ugly head in the strangest of ways.
I just read an article stating that birth control costs are expected to double, possibly triple, very soon at colleges across the country. Any woman who enjoys sex and having money should be outraged. While I lack the biological requirements for the aforementioned stipulations for anger, I am upset. We have populated this planet too densely too quickly, and just like any other virus we are killing the Earth. Now, my purpose here is not to limit the number of children people have (How's that working out for you, China?), but rather the type of people that have children. The only criterion being...responsibility! Entirely too many people have children for the wrong reasons. Tax breaks, saving marriages, or "Oops!" are all very bad reasons to create something that is loosely referred to as sacred. I started off talking about the third one, and I'll continue with that, but I'm not done with you, poor people. I'm not done with you either, desperate souls of the world.
Oftentimes you hear that if women feel they are old enough to start having sex then they are old enough to be responsible about it and be on birth control. Firstly, men are just as much a part of the equation in this department. No, dude, condoms are not that annoying. A malnourished child with an ear infection wearing a dirty diaper crying about it at all hours of the day is annoying. Secondly, it has been my experience that most women want to be on birth control, but the side effects of some are so terrible that it isn't worth it. I would bring up the baby again, but I don't know what a period feels like and I certainly don't know what a chemically induced period feels like, so I'm not saying a goddamn word about what a woman goes through when she menstruates. Wow, you look pretty today, have you lost weight? I digress...
I know there are many types of birth control out there, and a woman can't really know which is right for her (i.e. not going to cause a war between the ovaries) unless she educates herself either through literature or trial and error. So basically, as I understand it, just in order to find the method of birth control that works for a particular woman's chemistry, she has ridiculously tedious hoops to jump through for a good chunk of her life. Is it right to start charging her more money to do all this?
What is more important to you, dear reader: An educated, responsible woman who is able to control if and when she ever bears a child, or a woman that is unable to confidently make a decision of birth control, and rather than throwing caution into the wind and just picking one (which, remember, could have devastating if not life-threatening results) form, she forgoes it altogether and gets pregnant at a point in life where she can not raise the child as well as she may have been able to were she allowed to become prepared?
Bob Barker worries about the pet population and reminds us to have our "...pets spayed or neutered." When is someone going to recommend the same for humans? I am the first in line to advance our species, but this is the largest scale case of "Quality, not quantity" that I can think of. Please be careful out there everyone. Please.

Oh, there goes gravity.

Today is nothing like I expected it would be yesterday. A friend of mine and I both lamented in anxiety brought on by a variety of circumstances which all seem to congregate the day you get back from vacation.
Remember back in grade school when spring break was the brightest light in the school year tunnel? You go someplace with friends or family and forget every little inconvenience of your scholastic life. Usually by Wednesday you begin to remember that you are only on vacation and are briefly depressed. "But wait, it's only Wednesday!" you might say. Then the rest of your week is magnificent. I'm referring to the period after the week is over, but before the next week begins. It's that Sunday reboot that I hate.
Despite loathing it, I was glad I had to work yesterday, as it tends to occupy my mind. My friend was not so lucky. I have felt her pain many times over in the past. Sitting home alone with vapors of adrenaline diffusing throughout your veins. The sun tends to shine through the window and hit you in the eyes no matter how you adjust on the couch, but it's still a little too cold to do anything outside at length. You aren't hungry. You have nothing that needs to be done. You aren't tired. You are left with only your mind running through memories and possibilities. You think only of past failures and times that were good and how your future is bleak and you don't have any money and nobody could love you and why are you here and what good do you do to the world and why can't you just crawl into a hole and live with someone who understands you completely...
Then a friend calls and makes everything better.
I, for one, actually embrace these days and feelings. The amount of happiness you can achieve is directly inverse to the amount of pain you can feel. Going through those bad times not only makes good times sweeter, but it reminds you that you are human.

The Starbucks Effect?

A rather sad notion occurred to me this morning as I opened my email. It was from my mom, and it simply stated "Let's go to Starbucks soon!" Attached to this email was a video clip of a rather, say, brusque old man presumably from New York (read: New Jersey) complaining about Starbucks. In his abrasively loquacious rant, he compared paying seven dollars for a "...coffee and a...pound cake..." to "...eight and a quarter..." for a comparably substantial meal. But, is he complaining about the right thing?

Let's go back to my dear, sweet mom. She wants to hang out with her son and find out the goings-on of his life, and rather do it in that proverbially same old boring kitchen, she'd like to go somewhere warm, inviting, and open to social interactions. So why not Starbucks? Our curt border-hopping friend would be first in line to tell you that you can get a cup of coffee for $1.19 'round the corner and they'll keep filling it up until you say stop. While I appreciate the fiduciary concern for my wallet, I think it's the wrong thing with which one should take issue. I'm not made of money, and I am well aware of the times and amounts I spend. In this instance, money is a dumb thing to complain about. I'm not even going to say it's about the quality of the coffee. It's something much more global.

What is referred to as The Starbucks Effect is the inability to predict traffic patterns on any given morning, which can lead to serious delays for commuters everywhere. Travel patterns are usually based on efficiency, and as such, traffic lights are programmed accordingly. Streets may be designated "One-Way" for a portion of the day to accommodate the traffic. The point is that we map our own behavior for our own good. Now, say one member out of every 50 households in a city (let's say there are 5000 households) strays from this pattern in favor of grabbing that early cup o' joe. We have 100 "bogeys" on the grid. These "seceders", if you will, may turn green lights red with their presence, cause municipal vehicles to fall behind on their schedules, or block traffic when they double park on the street to run inside (That last one really only applies in big cities, but I wanted a third example for effect. Yes, I know it's a petty stretch, but again, effect...).

Granted these are problems that we face everyday and cannot be blamed specifically on those who wish to make a special trip for coffee every morning, but they aren't innocent. We all have vices, but this is one that, on the largest of scales, can be detrimental to the world. I'm talking about the added pollution in the extra miles a car must be driven to get that coffee blah blah blah.

My point (finally) is this: Don't jump on bandwagons. Too many people already do, and this saddens me. I mean, this old guy is complaining about one of two things I have ever heard negatively about Starbucks. The other being their many, many, many, many locations; some are literally across the street from one another. Both the former and latter are brilliant lessons in marketing and I refuse to complain about them. Now, I'm not proselytizing for Starbucks, but those are kind of ignorant complaints. Instead, complain that they roast their beans way too much or they don't know how to operate their thermostats. Anyway, I'm off to meet mom at Julius Meinl. Their coffee is soo good.

Just A Few Thoughts...

I just watched The Lost Tomb of Jesus last night and I must say, I was held captive a lot easier than I thought. The (arguably) neutral approach by filmmaker Simcha Jacobovici was refreshing, but not overstated. It left room for cream, so to speak. In the following, I am not going to critique anything I saw last night, nor am I going to mix in my beliefs. I am just going to react.

I was excited in the weeks leading up to the premiere of the show and I admit I tried to make time for it. Due to its aforementioned enthralling nature, I made time enough for all three hours dedicated to the program. In case you missed it, I'll bring you up to speed as quickly as I can.

27 years ago, during construction of an apartment building, workers unearthed a tomb. A woman tried to stop the workers and it was only after she called the police did they cease tearing into the ground. Still, a small team of archaeologists were given three days to poke their heads in and see what was found. They found a tomb which appeared to be about 2000 years old. Inside were ossuaries (stone boxes that hold the bones of the dead) of an entire family. The bones were taken out and buried in sacred ground in Israel and the ossuaries were taken to a warehouse. There they have sat since 1980.

The film begins by recapping that last paragraph and examines the names on the ossuaries and their connections to one another, given their proximity in the tomb. That is to say, if one tomb is next to another and both were male; they were probably father and son or brothers. The names on these particular ossuaries were pretty recognizable. Jesus, son of Joseph, Maria, Jose, and Mariamne were four biggies. It was instantly noted that save for the last one, these were common names right around the B.C. A.D. switcheroo. Presumably, this is why no one paid attention to these ossuaries. It's as though you stumbled upon a grave in the cemetery that read "James R. H." You probably wouldn't suspect anything out of the ordinary. What the filmmakers did next, however, was a nice attempt to dispassionately prove that they had stumbled upon something special. They charted the names found in the tomb and compared them with scriptural accounts of heredity. Statistically speaking, a tomb reading "Jesus, son of Joseph" all by it self in a tomb means nothing. But when, in a family tomb, it is found next to "Maria" and "Jose" it becomes more significant. Remember that grave you found earlier? "James R. H.?" Imagine next to that you found a grave which was marked "Josephine H." The chances that you just found Jimmy Hoffa just skyrocketed. Yay statistics!

I am not going to recap every last bit of evidence, but let it be known that in addition to the one just explored, there are five more compelling avenues which need to be explored in much greater depth. Naturally, one might say to me, "Of course, Neil, scientists are probably already working on it." Sorry, kids, but guess what? The I.A.A. (Israel Antiquities Authority) shut down our filmmakers without reason. Oddly enough, when I navigated to the English version of their website, it is plainly stated "The Israel Antiquities Authority will aim to increase public awareness and interest in the country's archaeological heritage."* No matter how you translate it, hypocrisy always breaks through.

I feel as though I should wrap it up. As I do, please, dear reader, ask questions. Is this the tomb of Jesus? I don't know. Could it be? Sure. Just please, please, please don't let irrational, small-minded people, no matter their position, stand in your quest for truth; no matter the subject. The sooner we take an interest in autonomous living and come together as a species undivided by race, religion, or creed, the sooner we can advance and enrich our lives. We cannot keep working against each other, for that is what is killing us. Sure, we all have to get off the ride someday, but I want to discover as much as I can while I am here. Hell, maybe Jimmy and I can still grab drinks.


* http://www.antiquities.org.il/article_Item_eng.asp?sec_id=40&subj_id=226